Q: Amma, I’m very conscious about the colour of my lady parts. Every time my boyfriend and I have sex, I can’t enjoy myself because I keep stressing over what he thinks about my vagina. I don’t ever let him keep the lights on nor do I let him go down on me. I have a feeling he’s getting really tired of it. Should I bleach or what? Help me!
Aiyyo! What is with you ladies these days? No masala in your dosa! So many of you little ones have been asking me this question recently. Where is your confidence, my pyari machhuari? Uff these pharmaceuticals, I tell you. Theytell you your vagina isn’t fair enough and all you innocent machhis are clamoring to lighten them up. Go read what my dear friend Lindy West says on Jezebel about vadge-bleaching. If nothing else, it will enlighten you how the colour of your v-spot is nothing but normal!
Anyway, if you're so uncomfortable with the colour of your “lady parts”, let me tell you this my love, unless you're considering a costly surgery to change your natural colour, your only other option is using one of those shady vadge-bleaching creams or that newly launched Clean & Dry Intimate wash, *cringes*. But darling you must understand that you can’t use the bleach you use on other parts of your body down there. There are separate vaginal bleaching creams which you can find in drug-stores. But I wouldn't recommend them as bleaching is known to cause long-term skin problems. As for the aforementioned intimate wash, Clean & Dry, I haven't heard any rave reviews from other little machhis who've been conscious enough to use it.
If you trust your Amma, then follow my advice. Sine your boyfriend HAS been trying to go down on you, he probably likes it. So relax and let things flow and you will see that once he's down there, you wouldn't care about colour, just like he doesn't.
Q: Hey there sex amma, I have had a boyfriend for the past 7 years. I’m giving it a break for a while but I have a craving for having sex with him. Help me?? What should I do! Earlier we used to have sex at least once a month! And now we’re just in talking terms. What to do?
Oh, you machhis out north worry even more than my fresh-water lassies back home! If it’s a break and you’re missing rolling in the hay with him, amma says get back in the sack and steam it up. Though of course you don’t want to make him think you’re back to being his girl now, do you? Amma shall tell you her trick to getting out of confusing spots like this. COMMUNICATE! Ask him if he’s wants to do the nasty with no strings attached. Trust your Amma on this, unless he’s deeply heartbroken or stirring the macaroni with someone else, he won’t say no. In the odd case that he does refuse, you can always rub bellies with another chap. You’ll be surprised by how many want exactly what you’re looking for.
You can mail Amma your queries at firstname.lastname@example.org.